Friday, April 20, 2012

Desert the dessert!

I am not even sure how or where to begin this post. You know how sometimes you have so many different ideas circling in your head that all come together and make sense to you, but you can't really express it to anyone else? That's sort of how I feel. Let me back up a little. For some time I have had this sneaking feeling that the way I have titled my blog is very ironic. You see, my greatest struggle with food, in my opinion, is with dessert. I started this blog long ago thinking that I would disprove all the people who think you can't have dessert and still lose weight. I wanted to show that calorie counting alone can do it. Well, while I still do think that is possible, for me, dessert has proved to be only a struggle and at times a stumbling block in different ways. I realized that I was almost making food--mainly dessert--an idol in some ways earlier this month. I prayed and confessed that to God (so thankful for His forgiveness!) one Sunday morning at church. It wasn't anything that was said at church that made me realize it--the connection was made thanks to a friend's husband's blog and some thinking about my own thoughts/habits towards food/dessert. I will share a link to that blog in a minute. He writes very openly about the sin of gluttony in his own life and how he is dealing with it. Love that blog. Anyways, I know there have been times that I've been a glutton. In fact, it's probably more times that I would like to admit or realize. Hence why I am 25 pounds heavier today than I was when we got married. I am thankful God forgives and is helping me to see that this whole process is more than just losing weight. It's about honoring God in my body and obeying Him. So here I am this morning, realizing that the pride that I expressed in naming my blog is the very thing that's proved to be a stumbling block for me. I told Neal after that Sunday morning at church that I was going to try to not eat any dessert for the rest of the month except for Caleb's birthday. I have kept that commitment only in part. I have eaten less dessert than I did before, but I keep findind reasons to have it. There was Easter...then Caleb's leftover birthday cake...then jelly beans from Caleb's party...then having friends over... I'd like to take a minute to share about my motivations and inspirations for losing weight. My motivations all live under my roof. The love of my life who sleeps next to me. The four sweet boys who keep me busy, busy, busy but I LOVE being their mommy. Myself. And most importantly, my God. Those are my motivations. The 7 reasons I want NEED to lose this weight. I want to make my husband proud of me. I want to inspire my kids to work hard and to be able to keep up with them. I want to feel better about myself. I want to honor God by not being a glutton but being satisfied with how He provides for my needs. Now my inspirations are a little different. I have 2 main inspirations right now. First is my friend's husband Chris that I referred to earlier. Here's a link to his blog: Although we're friends on facebook, he really doesn't know me. I know his beautiful wife, Jenna, from my old church. He really writes openly about his struggles which I appreciate. He is also determined to make a difference for his wife. I love that he wrote somewhere early on his blog that he was losing weight for his wife. He said something like, "Jenna, I love you more than food." I really like that. That's my first inspiration. My second is my sister. She's one of my best friends in the whole world, and I have watched her work SO hard over the last 4 1/2 months to lose close to 30 pounds. She is AMAZING. I love her, and I want to be like her in so many ways. She loves Jesus with all her heart, soul, mind, and strength. I would be blessed to have just a fraction of her faith, hope, and love. I hope that she knows how proud I am of her. So, all these thoughts are coming together to drive me to what I know I need to do. I have to drop the dessert--or the excessiveness/obsessiveness with it. I know I can lose weight with God's help. So, for all my motivations, here it is. Here's my commitment. No dessert except the following occasions UNTIL I lose all the weight I have to lose (which is 30 pounds, btw): Joshua's birthday, Mother's Day, Memorial Day (Sunday/Monday--family stuff), and my birthday. If there is an occasion that I would like to have dessert otherwise, I have to clear it with Neal (and post it here). I am going to go pray now and ask God to help me with this commitment. If any of you are still reading after all my rambling, you might think, "Wow. All that talk for just that??" You see, for a dessert lover like me, it's not so easy to give up dessert. I am a dessert lover at heart. But to borrow Chris' quote, "Neal, J, G, C, M, and Jesus, I love you more than dessert."